Friday, October 24, 2014

Units of Meaurement

Units of measurement are the ground rock of Science. They have to be clear and unambiguous, precisely defined at great trouble and expense, so that when you refer to a mass of 1 kilogram, I understand exactly what you mean and can reproduce your experiment accurately.

The Unit of Length is the Metre, (defined in terms of the speed of light); the Unit of Electrical Current is the Amp (equal to a certain number of electrons passing a point in one second) and to measure Stupidity, we use the Ashley. (Just as the Ohm was named after Mr Ohm, so the Ashley took its name from a particularly foolish pupil at St. Thickchilds School)

Shouting out during a lesson demonstrates wisdom of 2 Ashley.

Scribbling your own name on your desk is generally held to be around 4 Ashley.

Pretending to be your father when the school secretary phones home to ask why you are truanting and then falling for a simple trick question is conduct of 8 Ashley.

The Institute of Scientific Measurement are the arbiters of all Scientific Units. They are based in Paris and are currently considering whether to adopt the Ashley as an International Standard Unit, along with the Kyle, which is equivalent to a force of 10 Ashley.


Ole Phat Stu said...

Quote from Albert Einstein: 'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.',

john gibson said...

This is good stuff, please write a bit more often.
John Gibson

Ole Phat Stu said...

+/- 0,05mg is not good enough!

Fellow Chalkie said...

I'm a supply teacher in Australia in primary school (up to 12 year olds). Things aren't quite as bad here as you depict Frank. But really, the whole thing's a simple equation. It’s a mercenary and tenuous relationship built on need. The schools are using us and we are using them.

Here's an example of sport stupidity that happened to me...Physical skills are, to put it mildly, feeble. Can't throw, can't catch or use a racquet or bat. Yet there's no shortage of equipment or money spent on small and big ticket items.

I took the 'first eleven' from a school to an interschool cricket match to witness bowlers being allowed to throw the ball because they couldn't bowl, simple catches dropped with calls of 'good try' from team members, opening batsmen backing off the pitch scared of the ball (a yellow rubber and plastic thing at that) and the wicket keeper crying because one of these soft balls rolled in to him by a fieldsman (sorry, fieldsperson) hurt his gloved hands. The scorer, an eleven year old of reasonable intelligence, wrote in the scorebook that some players were 'blowed out' while others were 'cort' or 'runt out' and one was 'stuped'. I've seen a football (soccer) team beaten 23 to nil on Friday and been at the school parade the following Monday to hear the team captain report the score and add that everyone played well. Yes, especially those on the opposing team.