Saturday, March 26, 2011

Jamie's Two and a half Hour Meals

Well I hope Jamie's lessons have better timings than his 30 Minute Meal Book. Also you'd better have plenty of ingredients and know what you're doing in the kitchen.

Having said all that, the results are well worth it, which is more than can be said for his school.

Don't forget to put your clocks back tonight. Summer is on it's way, hoorah!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


What a gorgeous day! I shall now start to panic about Global Warming again for the next few months until an unexpected early frost in late September turns me back into a sceptic once more.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Now and Then

So we've got a mad dictator, who is happy to kill thousands of his own people without a second thought and some brave citizens trying to get rid of him. We have decided to help them out...

Anyway enough about Saddam Hussein in 2003; how come all the fashionable people aren't marching up and down the streets of London chanting anti war slogans now?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Jamie's Dream School

Managed 40 seconds of Jamie's School tonight. Turned on to hear the Head pleading with the scrotes:

"You think I'm soft because I'm being reasonable"

When the camera switched, I realised that actually they thought he was soft because he said "please" all the time, allowed them to chew lollipops, have bottles of water on their desks and talk over him. It was uncanny how much he reminded me of the Head at St. Thickchilds.

Mrs C then picked up something to throw at the telly so I hurriedly changed the channel.

Asda Kwik Cricket

As I was moaning about the lack of competitive sport in state schools last year, Asda have asked me to let you know about 'Kwik Cricket'.

It's an opportunity for under 11s to play in a huge nationwide competition. They can win coaching sessions by some of the England players, free equipment and the chance to play in front of a big crowd at one of the Test Matches this summer. (It should also ensure that no child will ever be able to spell the word "Quick" again.)

If you are a Primary Teacher the link is here (and the website is very good too)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Taking Leave of my Census

The taxpayer is about to spend several hundred million pounds collecting a load of information of no great value and questionable accuracy.

It's not that I find it intrusive or have any concerns over who sees my details- frankly I couldn't care less. What annoys me is the colossal waste of my money, as local councils and the Inland Revenue could easily supply all the important data for free. Like many people with nothing better to do, I shall take great delight in selecting a random ethnic origin and claim to have at least 35 guests staying over on 27th March.

I still haven't heard a justification for the census that stands up to more than a couple of seconds of thought.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Jamie's Dream School

I only watched a few minutes of tonight's episode and found it excruciating.
Sorry about the lack of posts- rumours that I have been appointed Libya's Minister for Tourism are completely untrue. I'm actually working on a new book.

Provisionally entitled "Education- My Part In Its Downfall" I'm toying with the idea of publishing it solely on Kindle and selling it for just £3.79. Your views would be appreciated.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Jamie's Dream School

Well, Starkey refused to pander to the kids and the Head immediately cried off.

Jamie's Dream School

Jamie Oliver will attempt to convince us tonight that a bunch of wretches could be transformed into young Einsteins if only their teachers were more inspirational. Hmm... haven't we heard this idea before somewhere?

Anyway, historian David Starkey soon gets fed up with the kids' poor behaviour and causes a stir when he calls a fat kid "fat". Later on, Ellen MacArthur will take them sailing! Now why didn't you lot think of doing that?

You can watch it on Channel 4 at 9pm but don't blame me if you get really cross.