Monday, June 26, 2006

School Trips

Dear Ungrateful Parent/ Guardian/ Care Giver/ Current Adult Occupier of Home,

Although there are only five decent children in the entire school, we have decided to attempt a school trip to Scagton on Sea, departing July 6th 2006.

Originally we did not plan on taking any of the ‘scuzzy’ kids, but as a favour to you which will doubtless remain unappreciated and despite your child’s history of disgraceful behaviour both in and out of school, we have foolishly decided against our better judgement to allow them to accompany us.

The cost of this excursion to you is £25, which is far less than the cost to our mental health. Please do not attempt to claim that your Stacey ‘definitely gave the money to Mr. Jones or someone’ as we know perfectly well that she will have spent it on cider.

The staff have all drawn straws and the 6 losers will be going on the trip.

You will need to provide your slovenly ne’er-do-well with a packed lunch and some spending money. You will not be asked to show where it came from.

Please complete the form below and return it to school with your offspring if they attend on a regular basis. If they do not; simply bring it yourself the next time you come and visit us uninvited to complain about some trivial incident.

Please Note: Sunscreen is not ‘just for poofs’ and should be liberally applied to your child before departure as we the staff (apart from Mr. Griffin the Music Teacher) do not wish to have to touch them.

The coach is scheduled to return to school at approx 7pm. Please do not turn up an hour late with some foolish excuse which only belies your uncaring attitude and general ineptness. Those pupils that are returning courtesy of Her Majesty’s Constabulary will be taken directly to their homes.

Please cross out words which do not apply (if any)

I Parent/ Guardian/ Scruffy, useless, slack-jawed and gormless Adult give permission for my son/ daughter (even if they aren’t really mine) to go on St. Thickchilds School Trip to Scagton on Sea departing July 6th 2006.

I do/ do not give permission for my child to engage in shoplifting.

I will later attempt to sue the school for one of the following ficticious events:

Other (please specify)

My child will claim that the following has been stolen:

Mobile Phone
MP3 Player
All of the above

I have/ have an ASBO
My child has/ has an ASBO


Print Name (Or get a member of staff to do it for you)


Anonymous said...

Nice one!

Anonymous said...

Keep 'em coming_ we had a kid who's parents threatened to sue the school because he got sunburnt. F*"*wits!

Anonymous said...

I know you are not from my school as we only allow school trips when Ofsted is in, and then only for the worst year 10s

Anonymous said...

I love seeing what parents write on the permission forms. My favourite (so far) was the entry under 'Special Dietary Requirements' which informed us that - Xxxxx only eats Turkey Dinosaurs, McCain Oven Chips and Salt and Vinegar Pringles.
Suffice to say, he starved for the entire week in France!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. Absolutely classic!