Monday, December 18, 2006

This should teach them a lesson

Chief Inspector Wringer is known for his vocal support of controversial hardline policies such as making violent prisoners serve the first week of their sentence without full access to the internet and occasionally only providing second class stamps for them to write home with. In 2004 he was once again at the centre of a dispute when he refused to donate a Harrods Christmas hamper to everyone on a life sentence.

"Marks and Spencers 'Finest' range are quite good enough for them" He is reported to have said.

He spoke to Chalk News today:

"These tough new Christmas Card policies won't go down well with everybody, but we believe that murderers, drug barons and thieves love their fellow man just as much as you and I; well maybe not the murderers... but the others certainly do."

He declined to comment on allegations that some detainees in his station's holding cells had been forced to go without Hungarian goose down pillows.


El Tel said...

Well what else would they have spent the money on?

Traveller Liason Officers to talk to the Gypsies about how best to avoid paying Council tax?

Or maybe a few more Community Initiatives to reward those who have gone three days without commiting a crime?

Andy said...

It does make you wonder what the Police see as their role nowadays. Catching criminals or simply trying to be their friends?

Anonymous said...

The plod and teaching move hand in hand.

We reward the naughty kids who have behaved for five minutes with a trip to Alton Towers. The Police just carry on this tradition.

Robin said...

'The Home Office today launched a pilot scheme whereby a group of lollipop ladies and gentlemen will roam town centres on Friday and Saturday nights handing out free condoms,water(for dehydration)and sweets.One of the lollipop people said,'It's about time we caught up with our European neighbours and had fun when we go out for a drink.'No,this is not a spoof,it was on todays local news.When will it sink in to these numbnuts at the Home Office that for certain sections of the community beating people to a pulp is their particular idea of fun?How long will it be before one of these tax payer funded 'lollipops' gets a good kicking?End of pilot scheme.More tax money wasted.

Anonymous said...

Dear Frank,
I think you haven't quite got the message.
We send cards to our criminals over the period.They are polite and to the point.
"Thinking of you
and what you do"
It's the new way of saying "Your card's marked mate."

Anonymous said...

Save money and do what i do at work, i go and knock on known criminals doors and chat to them to let them know I am watching them. Especially when they have just got out of prison so they know they haven't been forgotten about. You can't beat the personal touch. I do of course knock on normal residents doors too but that is normally a more pleasant conversation.

Anonymous said...

The local thieves must be shaking in their boots when one of those pops through the letterbox. Is this what is meant by tough love?
Bet somebody in a plush office got a promotion for that idea.

Officer Dibble said...

Dear Anonymous 18.11,

If they can find the card amongst the pile of Court summons and unpaid bill demands and raise enough interest to open it I doubt the 'festive' veiled messsage will have any effect.
They will mutter something like ****ers and reach for the next can of strong lager.

In fact, Mr Chalk, if you were still running the Calender I vote the window for the 18th is a Felons festive card.

Academic, I know.

lilyofthefield said...

No, no! It's a ball and chain with some holly on it! No - wait - it's a gibbet! Oh no it's a giblet.