Thursday, May 03, 2007

Step Away From The Refrigerator!

Miss Wade heaves herself out of her chair on the other side of the staffroom, wittering about how she has requested a new padlock for her store cupboard. "It's a padlock for her fridge she needs if you ask me" I foolishly mutter to the table I am sitting on.

Guardians flutter, hands wring and there is a hushed chorus of "You can't say that!" along with vague suggestions that some people who are absolutely enormous might have a medical condition. I'll say they do- compulsive bloody eating that's what.

It's not so much a case of spotting her out of the corner of my eye- she's filling my entire visual field. I can actually see light bending around her. As she finally manages to stand up, a tv remote falls out from where it had been trapped in a wobbly fold. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a kid stuck in there as well. She is clearly one cream bun away from a gastric explosion. When viewed from sideways on she appears to either be wearing one of those medieval hooped dresses underneath her straining trousers or have a shelf protruding from her waist. I might try and sit on it to get a free lift.

Believe it or not she is about to go and teach 'Healthy Eating' as part of PSHE (Personal Social and Health Education). There is a certain irony here; how do the kids keep a straight face? It would be like me teaching them Diplomacy.

41 comments:

Rog said...

I've just spluttered my sandwich all over the staffroom computer and will be sending you a bill forthwith!

Anonymous said...

We used to have a PE teacher like that. Retired due to ill health!

Anonymous said...

What the **** is Personal Social and Health Education,
What happened to teaching kids, Maths, English, Science or a Foreign Language ?

BillySpain said...

Bit of a cheap shot today, Mr Chalk.
You are, no doubt, some Greek god like male with a full head of hair, your own teeth and free from dandruff, halitosis and bad habits.

jerym said...

Considering the inadequacies of very many of todays parents it would seem to be a very good idea to teach children common sense subjects such as this.It may be the only way of breaking the vicious circle of bad parenting.Maybe poor Miss Wade could have been a happy Mrs Chalk with with a small waist and a pert bottom if she had had better advice when younger.

Anonymous said...

It highlights the failure of the education system. nobody likes teaching PSHE, Nobody wants to teach PSHE, and nobody out of the ones who have to teach it feels knowledgable or right to teach the subject. A bit like Citizenship. I feel sorry for poor Miss wade, no doubt she was told she was teaching PSHE.

Mind you I've lost a bit of respect for you Mr Chalk. I agree with your views on the education system and how it fails the kids, makes life difficult for us as teachers, causes problems for society in the future etc etc... but to stoop so low as to pin point one person whose personal appearance you disagree with is a bit cheap. Miss Wade isn't harming anyone except herself so why should you care??

knirirr said...

"You can't say that!" is one of the silliest utterances there can be, for the fact that one has said something that has elicited that response is obvious proof that one can indeed say it. Perhaps they mean "may not" or "should not".

Anonymous said...

We've got some monsters in our staffroom too. They have a salad for lunch and half a dozen Mars Bars at Break.

Obesity is an ever worsening problem in our modern overfed and under exercised society. It will impact on us all as our taxes go to pay for an ever growing list of problems brought on by being chronically overweight.

It won't be long before it's frowned on as much as smoking is nowadays.

Bren said...

That's a typical teachers comment above: "I've lost a bit of respect for you..."

Sod that Chalkie, you're never going to change anything in the education world so just keep making us laugh! Some of the Weebles in our place ought to set a better example for the kids.

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha .... so much for health promoting schools - and as for teaching PSHE ... poor Miss Waddle erm ... Wade (sorry but your description has given me the most frightening visions) typical of society today - she has to teach kids what the parents should be teaching them.

Anonymous said...

That's why I pay school fees.

It's so my kids aren't taught by jaded, bitter old fools with an inflated sense of their own importance.

Anonymous said...

There's a teacher who seems to be inflated in our department.

lilyofthefield said...

The bloater in my last temp job department moaned constantly about her weight but when I - with a tact you can eat your heart out over, Mr Chalk - suggested that a whole pot of Houmus and two pitta breads at break might be healthy but is pretty high in calories, and that maybe not all the components of her lunch - sandwiches, low-fat crisps (snigger), smoothie, fruit, yogurt and choccie bar - were necessary every day, I got my head bitten right off.

Almost American said...

Anonymous who said: "That's why I pay school fees.

It's so my kids aren't taught by jaded, bitter old fools with an inflated sense of their own importance."

is fooling him/herself - there are jaded, bitter old fools in private schools too!

The one that got me was the athletic director and his wife at one school, neither of whom would ever dream of walking anywhere that they could drive.

CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

You certainly reaped a whirlwind of comments on this post! Count me in with the laughers. Good job!

Hill said...

Nowadays we just encourage the weak willed to be over sensitive.

We can hardly expect the kids to eat healthily and do some exercise if we look like a bunch of inflatables. So I join you in your rallying cry, Mr. Chalk and urge everyone to shout at a tubby today:

"Step Away From The Refrigerator!"

jerym said...

It`s pretty certain to be much too late to save poor Miss Wade but as for the porky teenagers you must be cruel to be kind and point out that rolls of fat studded with bits of metal flopping over the top of tight jeans is downright Fxxxxxx ugly but it will certainly not improve for a long time yet, you just have to look five years into the future i.e. The U.S.A.

Scan said...

Now that, is classy! And certainly not confined to teaching either.

"...when her phone rang I thought she was reversing!"

Paul said...

I'm in Year 13 (A Levels looming so I shouldn't really be wasting time reading this.)

Trouble is if we are supposed to look up to teachers they could at least make the effort to turn up wearing a smart suit rather than a fat suit.

buster said...

Paul said...
I'm in Year 13 (A Levels looming so I shouldn't really be wasting time reading this.)

Trouble is if we are supposed to look up to teachers they could at least make the effort to turn up wearing a smart suit rather than a fat suit.

10:35

It isn't for you, Paul, to determine what a teacher should wear, or how thin they should be. You are a child and your opinions have no significance at all. Sit still, shut up and learn.

jerym said...

Buster is right Paul dont be a smart arse and dont judge a man by his tailor its your job to learn from him no matter how he is dressed. Mahatma Ghandi wore just a loincloth and he taught the world a thing or two. I trust you know who he was. P.s. I was a young smart arse like you once upon a time so I know what I`m talking about.

jerym said...

Paul,I forgot to add good luck with your A levels.

paul said...

Typical teacher comments. Don't forget a lot of us are much brighter than you are and have no intention of ending up as losers coming back to school.

I've had seven years of secondary education now and I reckon a quarter of my tearchers were crap,too many were always off, another quarter were great and the rest were ok.

Those last two comments sound fairly typical of teachers. When will you get it? If you look like a tramp of course we won't respect you. If you are fat we think you are stupid and lazy. Wake up and forget the pc stuff. We just want to have a good time and get decent jobs.

jerym said...

Paul 1. I`m not a teacher just a retired father with four sons in good jobs and eighteen grandchildren so I do know a bit about life. 2.I had five years of secondary education but for various reasons I wasted them and chose to ignore good advice from people who knew what was ahead of me and yes a lot of them appeared to be crap to me because I knew better than them at the time,to quote Mark Twain "when I was eighteen I thought my father was a fool but by the time I was twenty one I was surprised at what he had learned in three years".I get the impression you will take a bit longer than that. 3."If you look like a tramp of course we won`t respect you.If you are fat we think you are stupid and lazy" Maybe not"stupid and lazy"just disillusioned with a crap education system and spoiled,ridiculously dressed,cocky teenagers who know it all but have yet to put it into practice.----Dont worry most people recover from this pre-adult phase and settle down, those who dont just continue to get on our tits for the rest of their lives.

Paul said...

Jerym, shouldn't it be us that are "disillusioned with a crap education system" rather than the teachers who are after all partly to blame for it?

As I said earlier, some of my teachers really were very good.

It's just that too many of the others were'nt. Some didn't know anything about their subject that wasn't in the textbook, others couldn't control us. Some turned up looking scruffy which just shows lack of respect for the kids. I can remember being told to tuck my shirt in and sort out my tie by a teacher wearing a baggy tee shirt with cat hairs all over it.

I know my generation thinks how you look is really important but that's just because it is. Nobody will listen to someone who is scruffy or obese no matter how clever they talk.
Paul

jerym said...

"Jerym, shouldn't it be us that are "disillusioned with a crap education system" rather than the teachers who are after all partly to blame for it?" Paul-----They too were eighteen once and victims of the education system and were possibly enthusiastic about becoming a teacher and helping to tackle some of the problems faced by young people at a very vulnerable time in their life or on the other hand were not suited to the job but realised this when it was too late to change for various reasons.You will be out of it in a few years time but they are stuck with it. Just hope that you never get caught in that position one day.-------------------------------------
"I know my generation thinks how you look is really important but that's just because it is. Nobody will listen to someone who is scruffy or obese no matter how clever they talk.
Paul"---------------------------You have a very immature sense of priorities and sound rather shallow to me,lets hope you soon fill out a bit intellectually.It would be most interesting to know what A levels you intend to do.

Anonymous said...

As my daughter said to me yesterday "My PE teacher is absolutely useless All she can do is stand there barking commands and blowing into that stupid whistle of hers. The German teacher speaks German, the French teacher speaks French, the DT teacher can handle the equipment, the maths teacher does math but the PE teachers seem to be the only ones who can't do what they're supposed to teach".
Every time a teacher goes to have a cigarette (shock!!! Horor!) the healty Living Brigade springs into muttering tut-tutting action but they don't when a 16-stone-giant wobbles along the corridors eating yet another doughnut in full eyesight of the kids....

jerym said...

To me the ability to teach and inspire seems to be a gift and it is not possessed by that many people. Unfortunately teaching appears to have been regarded as a secure fail safe job by some people who dont know how to apply what they have learnt so are just passing it on.The problem in this situation are the people who agree to accept them in the first place for training in this very important profession and also the low esteem in which teaching is now held. It also does`nt help much when their trade unions seem to me to be a bunch of onanists.My personal experience of teachers very many years ago is in retrospect appalling, frustrated and sometimes brutal "christian" brothers more concerned with my immortal soul than my education. Equally obnoxious lay teachers who seemed to delight in caning,twisting ears and pulling hair,a physics teacher who would enter the room sit at his desk and tell us to open our text books and just tell individuals in turn to read aloud and that was it.Music was by another obnoxious bully who just taught us musical notation as if it was a subject like maths,in three years I never heard a note of music.French was more like a three ring circus and so on. I think I survived by opting out and not often turning up and spent most of my time in the museum, the town library or collecting railway engine numbers,no one ever contacted my parents about this so maybe things are getting better in some ways nowadays.They wer`nt very snappy dressers either Paul but as you can guess that was the least of my worries.

Damo said...

Well that made me laugh. I'm sick of people trying to medicalise their incontinent appetites. Salad-dodging is a lifestyle choice, not a ruddy disease.

Anonymous said...

Are all teachers paid the same or are the good ones paid more than the crap ones?

jean said...

Paul might be a pain in the neck 18 yr old but that doesn't alter the fact that what he says is correct. How you look determines whether or not you are listened to. Surely that must be explained on teacher training?

Teachers seem to have gone too far down the line of 'you can't say that' rather than asking whether it is true or not.

Inspector Gadget said...

Frank - you also can't say POLICEWOMAN like you have in your sidebar. You have to say POLICE OFFICER. What the f**k is going on here? Is the term WOMAN some kind of insult? Are we so thick that we can't see that a particular policewoman is a woman? And have policewomen been consulted before their gender was consigned to the dustbin?

The Tefltradesman said...

"Anonymous" asked if all the teachers are paid the same or if the good ones are paid more than the crap ones.

In fact, it's the opposite. Bad ones are paid more, because they get shunted out of teaching and into 'management' - which they're no good at either!

Funny old world, innit!?

sleepy said...

accept that some teachers are crap ....if they are crap and also fat i suspect they have no chance with the kids ....Paul makes a valid point re perception , if you look like a tramp you have to be very good to overcome it ...... having observed/spoken to my son & daughter 'fit' teachers are better than ugly/fat teachers ...... it is also worthy of note that teachers who allow the myth/truth that they served in the SAS combined with an ablity to shout very loudly gain instant respect ....... ps why dont they call it sex education rather than PSHE thats what it is

Anonymous said...

Answering the questions "are good teachers paid more than crap teachers?": Quite the opposite applies. The PC slimeballs who love "adopting" policies after policies (hey, if and when I adopt something, I'd be off to the orphanage to get a kiddie), who thrive on red tape, that's the ones who rise through the ranks and become members of the MANAGEMENT TEAM, then they spend all days strutting the corridors, looking mightily important, clutching walkie-talkies and yelling at kids to fasten up their ties and tuck their shirts in.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with the postings of Paul ... well most of them anyway.

As a member of the so hated on this blog 'management team' I have to say that kids treated with respect show respect. I have taught in some very deprived areas with some pretty frightening experiences but it was my experience that respect and firm but fair class control earned the respect of the pupils, parents and staff.

Dress code has to be an issue with teachers. We are in constant view of the public and if we want to be treated like the professionals that we have trained so much to become,we need to recognise that coming to work in jeans and a baggy t-shirt isn't going to do anything for the respect that teachers should have.

"crap teachers" should be sacked! Pure and simple ... too many come into this profession thinking it's an easy job .. wake up and smell the roses! If you can't hack it and you are no good at your job ... goodbye .. you are doing the youngsters in you care no favours at all by ataying in a position that is so obviously not suited to your talents ... and that does not mean side-step into a management position! SMT should have a proven track record to gain the respect of staff and pupils but no matter what decisions are made ... someone will disagree ... ranting over :o)

jerym said...

http://www.nypost.com/seven/05012007/postopinion/opedcolumnists/save_the_catholic_schools_opedcolumnists_sol_stern.htm ----------------------They seem to have modified their approach to education after all this time

Janice said...

I sell educational materials so I get to visit hundreds of schools all over the Country.

I can't help but notice that there are very few fatties (teachers or kids) in the Private Schools, but loads in the Comps (the worse the school, the more there are.)

Walk around the square mile in London and there are none, walk around sink estates and you keep having to step off the pavement to get round them.

Interestingly, two hundred years ago, exactly the opposite would have been true.

jerym said...

You have hit the nail Janice. It`s a matter of education and the earlier you start the easier it is.

Anonymous said...

We have a teacher the size of a small house who sat on a classroom chair and it promptly collapsed.

She hasn't been seen since and will no doubt be suing the Local Council.

The staff seem divided between the majority who take it very seriously and a minority who joke about it. One even claimed it happened at the exact time of the Kent Earthquake.

Buy My House said...

Why is it that the individuals in our society who have responsible jobs, that is, their work entails them to be responsible for others (teachers, nurses, etc) are the worst offenders?

Is it a case of bad working conditions causing low morale/self esteem?