Thursday, September 11, 2008

Inspector Gadget

I've been doing some serious laughing over the last few days alternating with incoherent shouts of rage. Yes, I've just finished Inspector Gadget's book; 'Perverting The Course Of Justice' .

Gadget is a master of the one liner and has a rich fund of anecdotes detailing the madness of the modern Police Force; its obsessions with political correctness, along with endless new buzzwords and initiatives dreamt up by those who will never have to carry them out. Some of these are so bizarre that they could easily have come from your school Senior Management Team.

The description of the endless bureaucratic nightmares that frustrate every attempt to enforce the law is a real eye-opener. The amount of time taken to arrest someone or just take a statement, is incredible and the amount of paperwork involved in even the smallest action is breathtaking. The sheer amount of wasted time and resources due to the ludicrous procedures insisted on by those who 'manage' from comfortable offices far, far above the bobby on the street, is beyond belief. (Hmm... that reminds me of teaching as well.)

His revelations of how the Police are made to concentrate on crimes which improve the Force's figures and achieve Government targets rather than those which you or I might consider important; are truly explosive and should really be headline news. (Is it me or does all this sound just like what goes on in schools?) I just found the book riveting. Buy it today and shake the hand of the next Copper you meet (although that might not be for some while).

The Police also seem to get dragged into a lot of what you or I might call 'rubbish'. I once naively thought that people only phoned them if say, they had been burgled or their car had been stolen, but this simply isn't the case. Family disputes, text messaging ex partners and general inability to behave in a reasonable manner seem to have suddenly become legitimate excuses for the Wretches to pester the Police about.

As a taxpayer and attention seeker, I've resolved to make more use of the Police in sorting out trivia in my own life. We'll start with that funny looking poo that appeared last night on my vegetable patch. I suspect that it has come from next door's dog Lulu, rather than from my own dog Jeffrey, who would never do one like that, and anyway; he always does them on the lawn. I'm going to ask if they can get a forensic team over and take DNA to settle the matter once and for all. Then I'm off to send a few hate texts and scribble something rude on next door's wheelie bin.

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

Read it! And I agree entirely. There's also a good book by some teacher bloke too.....

Tony F

Urban School Teacher said...

Mr Chalk- As a regular visitor to you blog, I have come to value your opinion. Your views on my most recent blog effort - "My 50th post" - would be greatly appreciated.

Anonymous said...

Mr Chalk- I would like your opinion. I followed the link on one of the above comments (urban school teacher). I tend to do this as the people who read your site often supply satisfying rants of their own. I really can't decide - is this bloke for real or is he the A.J.Wentworth of the noughties? Is he being deliciously and subversively ironic or is he indeed a hapless and deluded idealist ? Judgement please!

inspectorgadget said...

Frank
You can't get DNA from poo. Scientifically you might be able to, but I haven't yet met a CSI who will agree to take a sample.
Sorry.
Gadget.

Urban School Teacher said...

Anonymous- Firstly, let me assure you that the school I am currently working at is a lot tougher than Burgrove. Unlike Wentworth, I have a sense of humour and I am a very effective educator. Further to this, having worked in a high number of challenging schools I am perfectly capable of dealing with today's students. In other words, I am very much for real.

I am not being intentionally ironic. As you have not qualified your opinions with specific refernces to my blog/posts, I cannot figure out why you would consider me to be "a hapless and deluded idealist." What are you basing this on? If you return to post further comments here or indeed on my site - no doubt anonymously - please justify and expand on your observations.

Anonymous said...

Gadget, you can't get DNA from syte, but you can try to scrape the exterior of the shyte, which often contains cells from the exterior anal lining (but don't bother asking me to do it).

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else believe, like me, that the introduction of "community police officers" is a strategy for cheap manpower similar to the introduction of tutors in schools?

Defunctymetrunty said...

I was going to be a squaddie.

But then I got beaten up at the bus-stop by a bunch of 14 year old girls from on my way back working as a life guard in a swimming baths . ( It was a revenge attack.... you know.)

Then I joined the Met.

Then I read Peter Hitchens and plagiarised him mercilessly in order to start my blog and get my book off the ground.

Then with my mate DC Richard, "Dick", Horton being outed and all , I ran scared and battened down the hatches.

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