Monday, July 02, 2007

I'm On Fire

The initial conclusion was that the two nutters who drove into Glasgow airport whilst on fire were not from the UK. On hearing this, I immediately phoned the Head of Counter Terrorism to inform him that all the evidence in fact clearly pointed to a Science education in a British Inner City Comprehensive, as demonstrated by the complete lack of ability to identify and mix the chemicals necessary to create a decent explosion.

One of the pair was however able to debate the climate change implications of air travel with the Scottish Plod until a passing member of the public smashed him in the face. (Rumours that the passerby was the Head of the Glasgow Tourist Board are said to be unfounded)

As all the jails are full and nobody has thought to build a few more, the charred couple will now only be charged with 'Smoking in a Public Place'.

STOP PRESS: The two suspects have just admitted that they met on Friends Reignited

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

"where not from the UK"
That should read "were not from the UK"

British National Party member said...

Lol mr chalk. Cant you just tell it was Glasgow though? He got a knuckle sandwich before he could say ackbar!

Freeborn Englishman said...

Ah, so that is the fiendishly clever plan put in place by the educational establishment for the last 30 years!

They knew that their policies would have us knee deep in Pakistani villagers by 2007, so just to make sure they did not get ideas above their station, ensured that an entire generation of schoolchildren received an utterly abysmal standard of education.

Brilliant!

It is enough to make me weep.

My two sons went/are going to a "specialist science & engineering" comprehensive. Between them they know so little real "science" I doubt they could cook an insect with a magnifying glass or create a stink-bomb, let alone a real one. God help us all.

Phil A said...

Isn't the NHS wonderful. Car-bombs free at the point of delivery ;-)

I think our chemistry class could have done a much better job. I remember we managed to blow several panes of glass out of windows of the lab out once.

Our Chemistry Teacher was a really excellent teacher, sadly passed on now - but not forgotten by any of his pupils that I have kept in touch with.

Anonymous said...

It's the standard of education at the terrorist training camps that I'm worried about. Is bomb making no longer part of the core curriculum?

Kelvin Throop said...

According to this morning's Metro, it was poor chemistry and maths resulting in the 21/7 would-be bombers not exploding.

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