Friday, November 17, 2006


This was sent to me whilst I was away by a teacher who occasionally regales me with stories from his school. He asks to be referred to as 'Genghis'

It's an email he sent to colleagues a few days ago:

Just thought I’d share this one with you: During p5 today, as I was walking back to my room from the upstairs photocopier, I saw **** ******* urinating in a corner of the corridor outside the Music rooms. **** ******** was with him and they were both quite unabashed by my presence. So much so, in fact, that **** calmly finished what he was doing, zipped up and they both walked off, laughing hysterically and leaving a large puddle of urine on the floor behind them. I find I am unable to add anything to this.

All the best

I can't think of much to add to this either, and obviously I can't promise you that it is true. I suspect that it probably is; as actually it's no more bizarre than dozens of other stories I regularly receive.


lilyofthefield said...

Here are a couple of things you could have added to it, Genghis:
1. Issue a request that the pissants go straight to the HT and afterwards clean up their mess.
2. Telephone their parents and tell them to come to school immediately and remove their offspring.
3. Inform your local Police station that an offence has been committed against By-law No. 24:
"No person shall urinate or defaecate in any public place".
An offender under the by-law is liable to a fine not exceeding level 2 (£500).
4. "Skid" in the puddle, "fall" awkwardly, sue everyone.

But please don't tell me that was the end of it.

Genghis said...

Hi, Lily (isn't there a song.....?)
I wish I'd known at the time about that law you quoted!
The end result? Five days "Isolation" (some schools call it "Internal Exclusion") which the little darling has, so far, refused to serve.
That'll teach't it?

lilytheutterlyfrustrated said...

[Splutters incoherently]
Hear that dull thud? That's me banging my head against the wall.

yati said...

And I thought I was bad when I was at school! All I did was put a stink bomb under a teacher's chair... which I felt bad about even though I wasn't caught... and was extra nice to her to the last day of my time in school!

Ole Phat Stu said...

I would have told their whole class about the incident, adding "Oh, and he has a really TINY penis"

Anonymous said...

In the absence of a government that is willing to address the issue...

...I vote Ole Phat Stu for PM


Anonymous said...

In reponse to lilyofthefield I would just point out that By-laws are specific to where you actually live so that may not be the case where this actually took place and in any event a school is NOT a public place and therefore even if it had that By-law it wouldn't have contravened it.

Section 5 would apply, mind you it usually does, and plod would have been over in a shot because they could mark it up as a 'detect'.

lilyofthefield said...

Hi anonymous. Because I'm underemployed, I have checked up and it is a bye-law in this city, though the fine seems to be only £40. "Public places" includes certain public buildings such as courts, lifts and shopping malls but doesn't specify schools. However "The City of London Academy has won the Prime Minister’s Better Public Building Award for 2006."
suggests they could be.

Anonymous said...

Hi lily

That may well be the case with The London Academy but a school is NOT a public place, the building could quite well be a public building, but that doesn't make it a public place.

lilyofthefield said...

I suppose not anymore anyhow. It's like Mission Impossible getting through the security at my last school. They definitely don't want any public getting in there.

James said...

Maybe it was some kind of protest about the vile state of the toilets?

Jamieson said...

It's still not clear to me if you're referring to a student/pupil or a teacher. Which ones have the worse behaviour in your school?

The jabberwock said...

Get your tame science and/or technology technician to rig up a 'dog-pee deterrer': an insulated metal plate set at ground level connected up to a battery of voltage just high enough to cause intense discomfort when the current runs to earth through the urine and the offending creature via his exposted private parts.