On the advice of an email I received last term I headed to Bullyonline.com to discover the 'truth' about bullying. Unfortunately I ended up buying a chocolate brown Bull Mastiff puppy and need to sell another 750 copies of my book to pay for the damn thing. It has chewed through the legs of Mrs. Chalk's favourite chair and curled out a large do-do on the kitchen floor. Apart from that, it is a lovely dog and we have named him Humphrey.
I then headed for www.Bullyonline.org where every conceivable type of bullying is explored. Within minutes I became convinced that I was the victim of domestic bullying and had my wife taken away by the Police.
I also realised that all my friends were bullies, every member of my family and indeed everyone I could think of including myself. To give myself more time to reflect on these discoveries I ordered our student teacher to cover my lessons for the next week and told her that if she said a word to anyone I would make sure she failed her teaching practice. I soon felt much better.
Last year a parent complained that I was not doing enough to stop the persistant bullying of her daughter, Cherelle; who was being bullied by her friends Chevaunne and Collette. In the previous week I also had Chevaunne's parent complain that she was being 'made fun of all the time' by Cherelle. When I phoned Collette's parents, they were furious that the school was doing nothing to stop the 'constant harassment' of her daughter by Chevaunne. I ended up having to draw a little bullying diagram, just to get it all straight. (I might try and patent these and sell them to schools)
It's a giant merry go round of foolishness. In the same way that a sufficiantly large number of monkeys will eventually type out all the works of Shakespeare; so will a sufficiently diligent teacher eventually discover that every child in the school is being bullied by every other.