Thursday, February 05, 2009

Let's Grind To a Halt

Apparently Europe is scoffing once again at our inability to deal with a short cold snap and a few inches of snow. I'm not going to bring up the obvious fact that if we lived somewhere that got ten feet of snow every year then we'd probably think of buying a few extra snowploughs and winter tyres too, Ulrika.

Anyway, rather than paying attention to the witterings of a nation whose greatest achievement is to produce a palindromic Pop Group, I propose that we turn this situation on its head and from now on, make it a point of national pride that we show a bit more respect for Nature and simply stop working every time it snows.

When I am in charge, salt and grit will be banned and instead each Council will have an employee on 24 hour Snowwatch throughout the year. At the sight of the first flake, sirens will sound in every town and city signalling a compulsory mass downing of tools. There will be no announcement on TV as this would only alert the underclass to the potential opportunities for crime. Hospitals have to keep going but their staff will get days in lieu.

Parents would have time to play in the snow with their children (or regret their decision to have any), whilst the rest of us can enjoy ourselves, generate a bit of valuable community spirit by getting out the shovels and give nice cosy pubs a much needed economic boost. Hoorah!

ps I wrote a letter to my Council yesterday, complaining about the exclusively white nature of the snow we had received so far. I have no doubt whatsoever that I shall receive a reply and probably an apology.

9 comments:

Chapati said...

loving it! :D

Anonymous said...

Exactly, Chalky, that's the bloody point; we haven't had weather as bad as this for nearly 20 years, of course we are unprepared! If this was a regular thing, then of course we would prepare better, have snow tires, more modern ploughs and snow clearing technology. However, read upward, we have NOT had weather like this for nearly 20 YEARS!

You can't spend millions of pounds for something that is going to happen once a blue moon, it's unrealistic. It's like hearing that in a few days you are going to have tempratures into the 200 range and all the water is going to suddenly evaporate, how do you prepare for that?!

Give me a break, yes we have been caught off guard so bloody what?

Anonymous said...

"complaining about the exclusively white nature of the snow we had received so far"

Inspired. Totally inspired.

Fee said...

Mr Chalk, may I be the first to request that you post the response from your Council? Should be good for a giggle ...

Moony said...

Something to tickle your fancy Chalkie!

Moony said...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/columnists/kelvin_mackenzie/article2205867.ece

The link would help.....

Chris said...

Well done, anonymous at 11:45. Now go and look up the word 'irony' in a dictionary. Ask your teacher to show you a dictionary and explain alphabetical order.

MarkUK said...

I've recently taken on a part-time (non-academic) job at a school in my area - so recently that today was my second day there.

The school closed because of the snow.

Until today I'd have been highly critical of such a decision, but I'm beginning to understand why it happens.

When I was at school, most of the staff lived reasonably close to the establishment. Many, particularly when I was at primary school, walked to work. These days they may live miles away, or in villages that get cut off for a while.

Today, some staff struggled in by any way they could, even if they ended up arriving late. The only senior manager present at 8.00am never even thought about closing the school at first - he'd travelled 40 miles & got to work, so why shouldn't everyone else?

I helped out by taking as many phone calls as I could - and there were plenty.

Mind you, why are parents calling in after 9.00am to ask if we're open, when the kids should be at school at 8.30?

some bloke said...

Our Severe Snow Event lasted all of 24 hours and it had mostly melted the following day.
Looking out of the window this morning ( 06.30 am ) I see that we have had another but it seems that the County has already used up its' salt and grit supplies !

I expect that any council worker who suggested bigging up the Salt Depot would have been accused of Climate Change Denial and hauled off for re-education, career in ruins.