Jamie Oliver will attempt to convince us tonight that a bunch of wretches could be transformed into young Einsteins if only their teachers were more inspirational. Hmm... haven't we heard this idea before somewhere?
Anyway, historian David Starkey soon gets fed up with the kids' poor behaviour and causes a stir when he calls a fat kid "fat". Later on, Ellen MacArthur will take them sailing! Now why didn't you lot think of doing that?
You can watch it on Channel 4 at 9pm but don't blame me if you get really cross.