Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Here We Go!

Lots of teachers return to work tomorrow and no Head can resist making a little speech to start the new term. A few will be inspirational, creating a warm feeling of comradeship and making every teacher feel wanted, appreciated and keen to do their very best. Most however will be dreadful, filled with cliches and wild new ideas which make no sense, but are greeted with wise nods by the SMT. They also include desperate pleas to work harder, interspersed with complaints about 'under-performance' which make everyone want to look for a job elsewhere.

However, you need to stay alert because at some stage during the day (usually morning break) you will hear someone utter Chalk's Teachers' Moan No 1:

"It doesn't seem like we've been away!"

Do us all a favour and shoot this person.


Anonymous said...

I've got a better idea.

Shoot the head teacher.


Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur said...

Teachers in my experence gravitate to the extremes - either totally committed and excellent or as lazy as all fuck and useless

Dack said...

It's the death by powerpoint results stats analysis that I'm dreading.

Anonymous said...

It's time to play buzz word bingo!

Anonymous said...

I have just heard your phrase during the lunch hour at 13.22!

Do I get any sort of prize for this?

Anonymous said...

As a non-teacher I would love to strangle any member of the teaching profession (usually head teachers) who refer to their establishment not as a 'school,' but a; 'Community of Learners!'

Does anyone have a vomit bucket...?

Anonymous said...

Lady Virginia,

As a parent, I have to agree; there appear to be only two tyes of teachers; either; brilliant, and wonderful, or useless, pathetic, weak,and full of condersending buzz words!

There appears to be no in between!

In my experience, it evens out about 50 / 50!

Anonymous said...

Never mind. Just think of the salary, all the holidays and the nice pension. You'll manage I,m sure.
All the best from an EX teacher.

Not A Copper.

notjustme.mum said...

We had major budget woes.... leading on to, if you don't do it for the moral campaign of wanting to change lives (because you won't have any money in your budgets)- you shouldn't be here....... oh my

Calzivita said...

I also got through "The Talk" by playing a game of Wank Word Bingo. My strikeoffs- from good to oustanding, forward thinking leadership, learning zones, learning walk.
Hours of fun.

Kimpatsu said...

Could people please not post anonymously? It makes responding very difficult. It can't be that hard to think of a user name.

MAD MOP said...

A few definitions of 'Teacher Speak:'

A) Rough Play - Bullying!

B) Inappropriate - I'm patronising you!

C) Community Sports Colleage - Shit Hole High (populated by Chav Spawn)

D) Human Rights - I / we are too lazy / frightend to take any action which might damage my career

If anything else comes to mind, I'll post it...