Rate My Pupils (or better still, just take them away)

In the news recently is a website called 'Rate My Teachers' http://www.ratemyteachers.com which encourages disaffected pupils to post rude and misspelt comments about teachers who have told them off, complained to their parents or maybe even managed to get them thrown out of school. It also enables Heads to write nasty things about teachers who are always off sick and teachers to vent their frustrations with invertebrate Headmasters.

As I can barely find the Spacebar, let alone set up a 'Rate My Pupils' website, I will instead provide a place here where teachers can speak their minds. Stick to first names and rough locations just so I don't end up paying compensation to the little brat. I'll start the ball rolling:

Name: Shane
Location: St. Thickchilds School, Downtown

Shane is a Year 11 pupil and apprentice hooligan. He is a habitual thief, with the educational abilities of lettuce. When he plays truant the whole staffroom cheers.

Num malum ex decem duo

All schools have a motto_ good ones have theirs written in Latin, modern ones make up some sickly P.C. assortment of random words such as:

'Striving to Improve our Lives!

or:

'Education for All!'

Ours is a take on the classic Meatloaf song 'Two out of Three ain't bad!' but with the numbers changed to reflect our rather lower ambitions:


Num malum ex decem duo!

is inscribed above our School door


ps Thanks to the poster who corrected my spelling mistake. Please feel free to submit your own school mottos_worst one wins a free copy of my book (maybe)

Nearly Finished

Well, the book is nearly finished now, although the proposed cover of myself dressed as Mohammed, swigging from a bottle of Carlsberg has just been rejected by the publishers for reasons not clear to me at the moment.

'It's Your Time You're Wasting' should be in the bookstores for the first week of September 2006. It’s basically the story of my teaching career (I struggle to say the word ‘career’ with a straight face) trying and failing miserably to deal with a bunch of kids whose names are like a bad hand at Scrabble and whose parents would regard joining the underclass as a much sought-after promotion.

Thanks

I’d just like to say a heartfelt thanks to all those who have expressed their support. Writing the book has taken a great deal of time and effort (much more than I’d first imagined, I must say)

And no jokes about looking for it in the ‘Three for one’ bucket at Waterstones either…

Writing Furiously

Sorry, I've taken all the postings down, but the editor has told me to get cracking on the book. I'll post occasional updates on my progress, but for now, thanks for reading and I'll leave you with the following.

If you are a humble classroom teacher, feeling unsupported by those above you then remember this. Yours is one of the three most important professions (along with the upkeep of law and order and the provision of medical care) so walk tall. Remember that you are a hero so act like one. You do a job that the vast majority of people could never cope with, so make today the day when you track down some little toerag who has been a pain in your lesson and teach them not to mess with you again.

If you are in the Senior Management Team then go and find a pupil who has been making some poor teacher’s life a misery and tear a strip off them, then make them beg that teacher to allow them to stay in their lesson. If you have the courage, phone up the kid's parents and tell them to teach their brat some manners. The teacher will appreciate what you have done.

If you are the Head then stop what you are doing right now and go and expel your worst pupil. If you can't dream up a good excuse then what on Earth are you doing leading a school. Then tell all the staff what you have done. They will respect you and support you in return.

So good luck to you all and by the way, don’t forget that you can pay for my book simply by selling the next mobile phone or baseball cap you confiscate on ebay

All the best!
Mr. Chalk